What in Tarnation has Disney done to Artemis Fowl?

I don’t agree with everything in this blog post, but as you know I do enjoy looking at other arguments. As a fan of the Artemis Fowl books (no, I haven’t read them all because when you’re a teacher, a mommy, a writer, a wife, etc there’s only so much of your time that can be divided into pleasures that often become guilty) I knew why Disney went this route and have discussed why other Hollywood markets have channeled their Diversity Illusionist powers for their best interests, ironically hurting everyone (both fans and critic) in the process. This quote I’ve seen a lot of people echoing (in their nuanced-less echo chambers): “Frankly, I’m amazed the I’m Offended Police aren’t screaming their heads off about the white-master-black-servant relationship between Artemis and Butler that this casting creates, but I’d rather have them consider the possibility that if Butler had been black, he might never have ended up with the Fowls in the first place.” Just because you haven’t witnessed it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. And just because it’s not happening in the way that you think it should, doesn’t mean work isn’t getting done behind the scenes. Keep in mind that the Offended Police are typically, but not always white people who have . . . ahem . . . interesting agendas when they scream for diversity and shout empty words full of fury and little substance like a noob player spamming Street Fighter Guile’s “SONIC BOOM” attack (please check out my Diversity Illusionist post to glean a better understanding). Sorry about that, I digressed. Okay, back on track! The reason why most people aren’t complaining about the stupid and flawed casting is because there are SO MANY BIGGER HOLES TO WORRY ABOUT! Artemis Fowl is not the cuddly, cute chap found in Disney’s version. That’s what most fans are disappointed about. Where is room for Artemis to grow from villain to anti-hero? Where, oh where?! That said, I would’ve preferred Keanu Reeves (when he was younger) playing Butler (after all he’s Eurasian and is a walking weapon a la John Wick) UNTIL I looked up other great actors that need more spotlight and fit the part even better — but I couldn’t find any Eurasian male actors and that’s not because they don’t exist. It’s because Hollyweird often aids in propagating the stereotype that Asian men are effeminate and scrawny. My mentioning this is not an excuse. This is what is believed and it’s wrong. All in all, the only way for Asian actors (especially male ones) and Black actors to secure more nuanced roles is for the fans to back up our fact-based opinions with our wallets.


This month in ‘there is nothing in this world that Disney cannot fuck up’, we examine the trailer for that Artemis Fowl movie that should have been made when Asa Butterfield was still young enough to play the lead.


The trailer subjects the story to numerous indignities that include a pathological case of seeing things through rose-tinted spectacles, a number of stupid mistakes and a baffling case of diversity for the sake of it.

I would crack my knuckles before beginning, but Artemis hates that.

Rose Tinted Spectacles

‘There is a tendency,’ writes Doctor J.Argon, ‘to romanticise Artemis. To attribute to him qualities that he does not possess’. The trailer is replete with these, most of which look like a puerile attempt to make Artemis Fowl look like the right kind of fairy story.

When one looks at Artemis, it is always apparent that there is something distinctly off about…

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